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Why “Active-Listening” Is Ruining Your Relationships
How to be an irresistible conversationalist
During an episode of Superstore, two of the employees, Garrett and Jonah, are talking about Garrett’s relationship problems — Garrett and his girlfriend just broke up.
But Garrett’s upset: his ex is telling everyone she dumped him. Garrett’s annoyed and wants to tell everyone the truth, but also wants to be sensitive to his ex.
“Ok, so let’s unpack this,” Jonah responds eagerly. “So, it sounds to me…you’re looking for a way to let everybody know what happened with you two…without it reflecting poorly on you.”
“That’s…exactly what I just said,” Garrett responds, annoyed. Like any human being, he doesn’t want his problems simply repeated back to him. He leaves to go find someone who will actually listen.
That scene hit close to home for me. It reminded me of the dozens of times I’ve been “that guy”: the guy who “active-listens” during a conversation, making eye contact, nodding and “mhmmm”ing when appropriate, and repeating what I just heard to let them know I was listening…
…only to feel the same lack of connection and bond I always do.
It took me years to learn how to be a better conversationalist, and if I can summarize everything…
