How I feel about my podcast after 11 episodes

I created the MooreAboutBeer podcast a little over 2 months ago. I just published my 11th episode this week.

The podcast has evolved into a 15-guide series about particular beer styles, IPA’s, Stouts, and Lagers. I include some basic just-tell-me-what-I-need-to-know facts about the beers I talk about, like what they taste like and what food pairs best with it.

I’m planning on creating a matching eBook for this current season (can I call it that?), and my goal is to have it finished by the end of the month. It’s a lot of work, which seems very overwhelming with my current workload of working full-time at my 9–5 job, and full-time Masters degree classes.

I have mixed feelings about the podcast.

I’m a beer fanatic, but all this works seems to be just that — work. Sure, it’s been fun going out with friends and experiencing a flurry of questions directed at me about which beer people should order, and I’ve definitely learned a ton more about beer than I already knew.

But…why?

I’m at the point now where I’m asking myself “Why am I doing this?” on Sunday nights when I’m scrambling to finish my Masters hw so I can edit, publish, and prepare to market this week’s podcast episode.

I’m getting about 25–40 listens to each episode, and my posts on my matching MooreAboutBeer Instagram account get about 40–70 likes per post (I have about 75 followers now, mostly businesses who are trying to I-followed-you-so-follow-me-back other users). But I keep telling myself — if I had 1,000,000 downloads and listens, what then? Would I make any money? Would the world be a better place? Would it be fulfilling?

I don’t know if I would make any money (I don’t really know how iTunes works with that kind of stuff. The world might have 1,000,000 individuals who now know more about beer than they did before, which would admittedly be cool (knowing they learned through me). But I don’t know if it would be that fulfilling.

I think my fulfillment will come from the larger project, knowing that I crated something that (ideally) pays me enough passive income to live a life where I can focus on the important things to me (my family, working on my passions, spending time exploring the world). But having 1,000,000 listens in and of itself doesn’t sound very fulfilling. 25–40 doesn’t, either.

I’m going to push through this stage. I’m a very gritty person, and I intend to keep going even when it’s tough and seems like nothing is working and I want to just quit.

But I do feel like quitting sometimes.