I’m sitting in my hotel room by myself, writing the gross beginning of my writing routine again. It’s not going to be nice. I’m not going to have anything to tweet.
But I’m starting. Gross and all.
I feel like a failure. In the past 11 months, I published an eBook, received a beer certification, finished my Masters degree, accepted a job to teach English with my wife in South Korea, and I still feel like a failure.
It’s because I don’t know how to rest.
I have plans, big plans for my myself. Big goals to achieve. Learn Korean, write another book, develop an online coaching business. But I just finished my Masters degree after 2 long years, and I’m tired. Only thing is, I don’t know how to not be tired. I’ve been perpetually working for 2 years: full-time job, full-time Masters, reading 30 books this year, writing and publishing my own eBook, going to counseling, jogging 20 miles a week.
So when I told myself I was going to rest, I didn’t realize I don’t know how to do that.
I began my “Resting” by watching the entire Avatar: The Last Airbender series, which I enjoyed. But I became selfish and irritable when I watched it, and I didn’t want to be bothered by anyone (my wife) during my “off” time. I also went to a lot of craft beer bars and spent a lot of money on the “nice” beers I’ve been holding off on.
Then, I ran out of things to do. I knew I shouldn’t be watching TV all the time, but I stopped doing just about everything — no exercise, no reading, no TV, no bars. So I get home at 6pm with nothing to do all night except pace around my house and worry about my stagnation.
So, I feel like a failure.
“Once you can make opportunities out of your biggest challenges, that’s what turns players into kings.” -Sons of Anarchy (I think).
I am making opportunities out my biggest challenges, like feeling like a failure.
Welcome to the gross writing I’m going to start spewing out. It’ll get better over time.